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American Hot

13 Dec 2010
Openings Uncategorised
Let's set the scene: Hot date tonight, bit nervous, you're thinking of taking him/her out for dinner; unfortunately your fine dining venue of choice is booked solid but lo, through the autumnal gloom you spy a familiar blue and white logo signalling food on the horizon. It's a Pizza Express: at least it's familiar and it won't break the bank – and it means you can spend more time ooh-ing and aah-ing at each other rather than at the food, right? Along comes your waiter/waitress, shiny of hair and sparkling of teeth; they open with 'Hi gorgeous... and what would be your fancy tonight? Do you want to get Sloppy with Giuseppe or shall we get down and make it American Hot? Oh and can I interest you in my doughballs?' ... Do you a) slap their face and walk out in righteous indignation b) smile bashfully, think they're a much hotter prospect than your date – you're in there! Or c) belatedly remember that Pizza Express have now trained their staff in the dark arts of 'subtle' flirtation and make a mental note to never darken their door again?

Well, dear readers, if you picked c) you're bang on the money (And for those who chose b) – really...?). Pizza Express have decided that it's not enough your order for a simple pizza is taken by someone of sound mind, decent hygiene and a working knowledge of an uncomplicated menu; no, they want their staff to banter with the customers, entice them, no doubt, to further expenditure and leave with a blissful glow on their tomato-sauce smeared faces safe in the knowledge someone somewhere loves them. Or at least their generous tip, anyway.

Of course, all this staff training comes with the assumption that the current staff are already top-notch in customer service and (let's be honest here) attractive enough that being leered at over your carb-free pizza is not something that makes you dial 999 and report a heavy breather. And of course all this comes with the classic qualifying statement that staff should be able to 'talk with passion and authenticity about the ingredients on the menu.' Forgive us, but surely customers might expect that basic level of communication anyway, no? Apparently not. . .

So what are your thoughts on a bit of banter with your dinner? Would you welcome a more friendly approach from waiters or do you prefer to save all your charm for your chosen dining companion? Would you be put out if the waiter oozes all over your date? And would you tip more generously if you felt cosseted and loved by your waiter than if you received a more formal dining experience?